It's Kid Time!!!

Silly Jokes & Riddles for Kids

Have a laugh at the corny jokes below!

Animal Jokes

Q: What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

A: Do you think he saw us?

     Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

     A: Climb a tree and act nuts.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?

A: It’s time to get a new fence.

     Q: What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?

     A: Swimming trunks.

Q: Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?

A: There are too many cheetahs.

     Q: What is a crocodile’s favourite game?

     A: Snap.

Q: What kind of dog has no tail?

A: A hot dog.

       Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a telephone?

       A: A Golden Receiver.

Q: What dog keeps the best time?

A: A watch dog.

     Q: What kind of animal goes OOM?

     A: A cow walking backwards.

Q: Why do birds fly south?

A: Because it is too far to walk.

       Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

       A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be called a bagel.

Q: Which bird is always out of breath?

A: A Puffin

       Q: What is a bird after he is four days old?

       A: He is five days old.

Q: Why does a baby pig eat so much?

A: To make a hog of himself.

       Q: What did the pig say when a man got him by the tail?

       A: This is the end of me.

Q: Who always goes to bed with his shoes on?

A: A horse.

Q: What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?

A: Ah, meals on wheels.

     Q:  What do snakes do after they have a fight?

     A:  Hiss and make up.

Q:  What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white?

A:  A penguin rolling down a hill.

Insect Jokes

Q: What do you call an Irish spider?

A: Paddy long leg.

     Q: Why was the insect thrown out of the forest?

     A: Because he was a litter bug.

Holiday Jokes

Thanksgiving Jokes

Q: When does Dracula eat turkey?

A: At Fangsgiving.

       Q: Why couldn’t Pilgrims tell secrets on their land?

       A: Because the corn had ears.

Q: What was the Pilgrims’ favourite music?

A: Plymouth rock.

       Q: Why did the cranberries turn so red?

       A: Because they saw the salad dressing.

Q: What did the turkey say when the Pilgrim grabbed him by its tail feathers?

A: That’s the end of me.

       Q: What did the turkey say before it was put into the oven?

       A: I am really stuffed.

Q: What is the best way to eat turkey on Thanksgiving?

A: Gobble it.

Party Jokes

Q: Why did the boy take toilet paper to the party?

A: Because he was a Party Pooper.

Halloween Jokes

Q: Why did they put a fence around the grave yard?

A: Because everybody was dieing to get in!

Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the twin witches wear name tags?

A: So they could tell which witch was which.

      Q: How do you make a witch scratch?

      A: Take away the W.

Q: Why doesn’t a witch wear a flat hat?

A: Because there was no point in it.

Ghost Jokes

Q: What is a ghost's favorite dessert?

A: Boo-berry pie with ice scream!!

Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class?

A: Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.

      Q: Why did the ghost starch her sheet?

      A: So she could care everyone stiff.

Q: What kind of pets do ghost have?

A: Scaredy cats.

      Q: What do ghosts have for dessert?

      A: Ice Scream.

Monster Jokes

Q: Why did the one-eyed monster close his school?

A: Because he only had one pupil.

Mummy Jokes

Q: What is a mummy’s favourite type of music?

A: Wrap.

      Q: Why don’t mummies go on vacations?

      A: They are afraid they will relax and unwind.

Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

A: They are too wrapped up in themselves.

Skeleton Jokes

Q: Why can’t skeletons play music in church?

A: Because they have no organs.

      Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

      A: No body.

Q:What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?

A:Spare ribs.

      Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

       A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q:Why didn't the skeleton parachute out of the plane?

A:Because he didn't have the guts.

Vampire Jokes

Q: How does a girl bat flirt?

A: She bats her eyes.

      Q: What type of dog do vampires like best?

      A: Bloodhounds.

Q: How does a vampire brush his teeth??

A: Two fangs at a time.

Food Jokes

Carrot Jokes

Q: What do you call a person who has carrots in their ears?

A: Anything you want, they cannot hear you.

Cake Jokes

Q:  What cakes gives you an electric shock?

A:  A Current Bun.

     Q:  What bad tempered and goes with custard?

     A:  Apple Grumble.

Rice Krispies Jokes

Q: What happens to babies when they eat rice krispies?

A: They go snap, crackle, pooh.

Jelly Jokes

Q:  What flies and wobbles?

A:  A jelly copter.

Potato Jokes

Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?

A: When it is a French Fry!

Q: What do you get if you cross old potatoes with lumpy mince meat?

A: School dinners!

People Jokes

Q: I have two noses, three eyes and only one ear.  What am I?

A: Very ugly!

State Jokes

Q: Spell Mississippi with one i.

A: Place one hand over a closed eye and spell out Mississippi .

Color Jokes

Q: What is black and white and red all over?

A: A newspaper.

Nature Jokes

Q:  Why did the beach blush?

A:  Because the sea weed!

Weather Jokes

Q: Where do polar bears vote?

A: The North Poll.

       Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?

       A: A snowball.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

       Q: What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

       A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?

A: An umbrella.

       Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter?

       A: Because they wear snow caps.

Q:  How do you stop a summer cold?

A:  Catch it in the winter!

Days of the Week Jokes

Child:  I'm thirsty!

Adult:  Hi, I'm Friday, come back on Saturday and we'll have a Sunday.

Number Jokes

Q: Why is six afraid of seven?

A: Because seven (eat) nine.

Knock Knock Jokes  

Q:  Have you known me for a second?

       A: (Yes)

  Q:  Have you known me for a minute?

         A: (Yes)

    Q:  Have you known me for an hour?

          A: (Yes)

      Q:  Have you known me for a day?

             A: (Yes)

        Q:  Have you known me for a month?

              A: (Yes)

            Knock-knock!

                Who’s there?

You should know because you’ve known me for a year!

                        Knock-knock!

                              Who’s there?

                         Banana.

                              Banana who?

                         Banana.

                              Banana who?

                         Orange .

                              Orange who?

                         Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Knock-knock!

     Who’s there?

Lettuce.

     Lettuce who?

Lettuce in and we’ll tell you.

                         Knock-knock!

                              Who’s there?

                         Irish.

                              Irish who?

                        Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Egburt.

Egburt who?

Egburt no bacon!

Riddles

Have you heard of the book 'Tragic Events on a Cliff' by Eileen Over? (I lean over)?

Have you heard of the book 'Puddles in my Bed' by I. P. Knightly? ( I pee nightly)?

Q:  A cowboy rides into town on Friday and stays in town for three days and leaves on Friday.  How does he do it?

A:  His horses' name is Friday

Put on Your Thinking Cap:

Q.  What gets bigger the more you take away from it?

A. A hole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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